Hours had passed since Goushou had
stormed away. When it got to be past midnight Goukou sent his pages to bed. The
two had tried to conceal their heavy eyes and their weariness, but to no avail.
"Go," Goukou said, in a
voice that allowed no protests of loyalty or service. "I will see you in
the morning." Silver Bell and Golden Bell bowed, hands in sleeves, and
wished their master goodnight. Their manners were well-schooled but they were
still young. Goukou saw the exchange of glances that said clearly that neither
would care to be Lord Goushou when Lord Goushou finally came back.
Goukou went out onto the broad
balcony and took a seat, watching the skies and letting his mind widen to take
in the thought of his brother. Goujun hadn't been trying to anger him, of
course. Phlegmatic Goujun had no conception of how his steady unrelenting
questions could irritate the second brother beyond bearing. It was too late by
the time Goukou intervened in their heated discussion. Goushou's temper was
gone. He'd bellowed at Goujun and, more unforgivably, at himself, turned to his
dragon form and taken to the sky.
"I made him angry," Goujun
said, a conclusion that was news only to himself.
"Indeed," Goukou agreed.
"Your pardon, ani-ue. Your
foolish younger brother was at fault." He bowed his head.
"You were. You provoked your
older brother into forgetting himself and insulting me. You will beg his pardon
in the morning and ask for his correction."
"Yes, ani-ue."
"And learn not to press an
argument with him. With me if you like, and Gouen as you please. Not with
Goushou."
"Yes, ani-ue." Goujun
remained with head bent, waiting for his punishment.
"You may go." Goujun
looked up in small surprise at his reprieve, then came to kneel and bid him a
formal good-night.
"Have good rest, ani-ue."
He put Goukou's hands to his forehead and bowed over them.
"You also, Goujun." Goujun
rose to go. Goukou stopped him, drew him over and gave him a kiss on either
cheek. He could feel the relief in Goujun's body. Under his settled and unmoved
exterior, Goujun's feelings were deeper than he would show. Discord within the
family disturbed him; especially he hated being at odds with his oldest
brother. The grave and formal aspects of the dragon nature had come out
strongest in this third brother of theirs. It made him prize harmony and order
even as it made him generally unbending and humourless. An irony, that Goujun's
virtues should be such a problem at times. Goushou of course had too much of
that other side of their heritage, the untamed and unhappy one. Small wonder
that the two of them clashed. It was to their credit, and a little to his own
for keeping them within bounds, that it happened as rarely as it did.
It was much later that Goushou
returned. He flew onto the broad terraced balcony and resumed his manform.
Stood for a moment as he registered that Goukou was waiting for him, and the
inevitable consequences of that. Then he came over to Goukou's chair and knelt.
No quietness there. Whatever peace he had thought to find winging the heavens
had clearly eluded him.
Goushou bowed to him with his right
fist in his left palm, held at forehead level so that his face was, perhaps not
coincidentally, hidden from view. "This worthless person has offended his
older brother," he said. Remorse warred in his voice with resentment, with
sheer brute misery running through them both. "Let my ani-ue's rod teach
his foolish brother to know his duty better."
"You're angry still,"
Goukou said. "Punishment would be wasted on you. Blows have never softened
your spirit. They only make that stiff neck of yours stiffer." His
brother's unhappiness was almost tangible. "Come to bed, Goushou. This
will wait until tomorrow."
"As my older brother
pleases." Goushou had hoped to have it over with now, of course. In
time, Goushou, in time. And in my own way. Goushou put his hands out to
take Goukou's and bid him good-night, but Goukou stood up instead.
"Come to bed," he
said. Goushou drew a small sharp breath, then bowed acquiescence. Silently he
followed Goukou to his room. Goukou spoke no further word to him. His brother
was willing himself to obedience, but he was like a hawk that might take wing
at any moment. Goukou sat down in the room's one chair and began tugging at his
bootstraps. Goushou knelt in silence and did it for him. Took off Goukou's
boots, unfastened the ties and buckles of his clothing, and set his robe aside
in the press as if he were Goukou's lackey. Poor Goushou. His younger brother
loved him, but he was tormented by his nature, pulled always in two different
directions. Goukou gave him an affectionate look as he put on his bed robe, but
Goushou was removing his own clothes, withdrawn into himself, and his eyes were
on the floor.
Goukou sighed and turned down the
heavy cover of the bed. Goushou blew out the lamp and slid naked in beside him,
back meekly turned towards him. Goushou was so close that the roiling
feelings inside him filled the air, seemingly part of the scent that rose off
his skin. Anger and unhappiness, stubbornness and misery, a need to hit out and
a wish to be comforted; and below that, fear and soul-sickness and simple
exhaustion of spirit. Goukou could sense them all, flickering through Goushou's
body like lightning on the underside of a cloud.
"This way, little brother. To
me."
Wary, Goushou turned to face him.
"Embrace me," Goukou said.
Shock went through Goushou, making his body rigid where it touched Goukou's.
"Ani-ue-"
"It will quiet your anger and
ease your spirit." Goukou touched him lightly on the cheek and then moved
over to lie half on his face. He waited, mind calm as the dark calm of flood
tide at sea, to find out what would get the upper hand in his brother's soul,
anger or unhappiness or some other unknown thing. Goushou's weight and heat
came and pressed down upon his back. Goushou's face was against his neck, and
his fingers sank into Goukou's shoulders. "Ani-ue," he said in a
thick voice, hot breath lost in Goukou's hair, "ani-ue", the struggle
in him fiercer than before, as if it was tearing him apart. Goukou reached a
hand back and put it over Goushou's where it clung to him.
"It's alright, Goushou. Come
inside. We are of the same flesh. It will make me happy to have you within
me."
Goushou's breath sounded harshly,
strangling in his chest. His body gave a little jerk against Goukou's.
"Ani-ue," he said brokenly. His touch had become desperate- ani-ue,
turn to me, hold me. Goukou turned over, put his arms about Goushou, and
held him close in the hot darkness of the bed. A small scalding wetness slid
against the side of his neck. Tears, a few, the sign of Goushou's stubbornness
melting- But then the clouds broke, and Goushou was weeping against his chest,
heavily and without noise, shaking as the jungle trees shake when a monsoon
wind lashes them. Goukou felt himself relax inwardly, as if he too shared in
Goushou's relief that the storm within his soul could release itself at last.
He smoothed Goushou's hair as he cried himself out, making small
meaningless noises of comfort. "Be at ease, Goushou," he said
finally, when his brother lay heavy in his arms with his face buried in the
crook of Goukou's neck. "Your nature whips you more cruelly than ever I
could. It pains me to see how you suffer from it. No-one blames you if it makes
you angry."
"Ani-ue," Goushou's roughened voice whispered below his ear.
"You hurt me..."
"I must at times, to do my duty by you. Remember that we love you
and wish you well, and none of us wants to add to your troubles. Maybe that
will make it easier to restrain your wrath when it goads you to forget
yourself."
"Mmh." Goushou drew a shaky breath.
"Goujun too will learn to curb his nature so it rubs less on you.
Forgive him that he did so last night. There was no malice in it."
"Ani-ue..."
That was enough, Goukou judged. Any more and Goushou would break down
again. He kissed his brother's mouth, then reached between his legs to do that
which would bring peace to his body, and quickly sent him plunging headlong
into a sleep too deep to waken from. After that he was free to attend to his
own needs, and did so, sliding at last into the welcome darkness himself.
Goushou woke with a feeling of relief, like a man who has thrown off a
fever. Goukou's warmth was behind him, and Goukou's arm still held him in his
sleep. Goushou put his hand over his brother's. He could feel the heavy burning
in the back of his body that meant Goukou had been inside him. That was cause
to be glad, even though he couldn't remember it, that his older brother had had
some recompense for his patience last night. His heart hurt him to remember the
temper and insolence he'd shown earlier, forgetting how good Goukou was to him,
forgetting what was owed to a brother and a king. Time now and past time to
make amends. He kissed Goukou's hand and his brother came slowly awake.
"Goushou," he said. "How is it with you today?"
"Ani-ue, your worthless brother is ashamed."
"Mnh?" Goukou said. He cuddled closer to Goushou's back. Their
fingers interlaced.
"I behaved like a child last night," he said with difficulty.
"I deserved only outrage and blows, not to be taken to your bed and
treated with kindness. My brother is far wiser than I am. I was indeed angry,
without cause, and my spirit was stiff against the one I had offended. Forgive
me for being a sullen and ungrateful fool. I am in a better mind now, and will
happily accept your correction."
"Happily? That's more than I expect." Goukou sounded amused.
"But I'm too content for such exertion just now. Justice can wait till
after."
Goushou's heart clamped in clamped dread. He should have realized. He had insulted his brother
publicly last night, and Goukou, just in all things, would exact the proper
penalty for that. He bowed his head where he lay, schooling himself to
resignation. My older brother would have sacrificed his body and his pride
to soothe my anger when I was past reason. Such a thing is unheard of. It is
right that I, his junior, should sacrifice my body and my pride now to appease
his anger, which is far more just than mine.
"Mnhh?" Goukou asked, sensing his distress.
"Let it be as my ani-ue wishes. If I must suffer my stripes before
the others, so be it."
"What do you mean?" Goukou asked in surprise. "You are
the king of the southern ocean and my nearest brother. I would never expose you
to shame by correcting you before your younger brothers and your servants.
Goushou, how could you think such a thing?"
"I deserve no more than that," Goushou said, weak with relief.
"But how long will you allow justice to wait then?"
"Until the next time you behave like a sullen and ungrateful fool,
no doubt."
At that Goushou smiled in spite of himself. "Your kindness is
beyond what I can ever deserve, ani-ue. But what will our younger brothers
think if they see me at breakfast sitting at my ease? They will lose all
respect for your whip arm."
"Then we must see to it that you cannot sit at your ease. Lie on
your face, Goushou, so that I may instruct you again in what is owing to one's
older brother."
Goushou turned to his belly and raised his hips. The loving touch of
Goukou's hand on his buttocks made his heart melt, though the pain of his entry
caused him to cry aloud unthinkingly. The heaviness of Goukou's sex burned him
like fire. He wept as heartily as he would have from a whipping, but half his
tears were of happiness. Goukou hurt him because Goukou loved him, and if the
love and pain must come together, he knew it was his own doing and not Goukou's
will. It was his fortune to have Goukou to steady him and to provide the strong
hand that kept his passions from tearing him apart. Without his brother and his
brother's love he would be lost, and that fact he trusted never to lose sight
of.
They rose up and dressed and went out to the morning room. Goujun, all
white, and Gouen, all black, were waiting to greet them. They knelt and bid the
oldest good morning, and when he had greeted them, Goujun came to kneel before
Goushou. He had brought a bamboo rod with him and laid it at Goushou's feet.
"Second older brother, forgive your foolish brother for angering
you," he said. "I am ready to make amends." Goushou kicked the
rod away. He took hold of Goujun's shoulders and pulled him up.
"Goujun, one can beat white black, but it will not stay that way.
You are as you are and you will never be other, and I am I and likely to remain
that way as well. Let us bear each other as best we can."
"Thank you, second brother." Goujun bent to kiss his brother's
hand, but Goushou raised him and kissed his cheek.
"It is good to see you two at peace," Goukou said, satisfied.
"Now, let us get some breakfast in you before your empty stomachs can set
you to jangling again." And he led them in to the dining hall.