Gouen was conducted to his rooms where he changed from formal robes into
a chamber gown. The western servants sponged him down and brought tea which
Tsuuran served him. Gouen sipped it, sighed, and put it aside.
"Company my rest," he said. The servants moved
swiftly to bring Tsuuran a lined cotton gown and help him change. Tsuuran
dismissed them and himself turned the bedclothes down for his master. Gouen
stretched out with another sigh as Tsuran settled beside him.
"I think Shantsu-dono is on my side, and may persuade
his father to my way of thinking. But Shanten-oh was firm in opposing my desire
for Yinkuei. It may be that we'll have to settle for Yintai after all."
"A grandson of Shanten-oh is still Shanten-oh's grandson.
His parts may not have shown so far because his older brothers are so notable
in their own ways."
"True. But still I would have Kaigon trained by a
gold dragon, for those have a natural grace and assurance of manner. If he can
pick up the knack, it will hold him in good stead when it comes to dealing both
with his cousin and his younger brother." He shifted discontentedly.
"And Yintai is a red dragon. His grandfather hinted that he has the
natural restlessness of such."
"If that were a serious problem, would Shanten-oh promote him to
your Majesty at all?"
"Perhaps not. But still he thinks Yinkuei the lighter-natured of
the two. I wonder if he has a prejudice against him? And there's the matter of
their colours. A blue dragon with a red older must ever appear to
disadvantage."
"If my lord will excuse me, in my experience it's
easier to match blue and red if blue predominates. Red robes with blue trim are
the real problem."
"As Second Brother has always said, yes." Gouen
sighed yet again and turned to his side. "Well, we must wait on
Shanten-oh's will in this." He signalled over his shoulder. Tsuuran came
up against Gouen's back and put an arm about his waist.
"Sing to me a little," Gouen said. "One of the old
songs." He closed his eyes. Tsuuran began to sing:
In the south there are fine fish
In multitudes they leap
The lord offers wine:
The good guests feast and rejoice.
In the south there are fine fish
In multitudes they glide
The lord offers wine:
The good guests feasts and are merry.
"That will do," Gouen said, displeased. He
pulled himself free of Tsuuran's embrace.
"Forgive your servant. I was thoughtless."
"You were. We are in the west, and I have no wish to
hear of the lord of the south. Leave me."
Tsuuran got up, bowed, and backed away from the bed. Gouen
was half-minded to recall him but stayed silent. Tsuuran would not take his
dismissal or his master's anger greatly to heart. Gouen turned to his other
side, a sullen irritation burning inside him. There was a lattice-work window
in that wall; the blue sky of the Western River showed through its white jade
fretting. A sudden wave of sadness drowned out his anger.
'I came here first when Kaiei was born', he thought, 'and here I found
the world of my dreams. In Shanten's court love, companionship, learning and
poetry flourished like flowers-- all the things that keep the senses in
tranquil balance and lift the heart to creativity. How much was suddenly
possible in this company: those heights I'd only yearned to climb, I found myself
flying easily above. I thought I would find that peace again to console my
present grief.'
'But the shadow of the departed is everywhere, and the happiness they
left behind is like a ghost at the table. How does Shanten-oh bear it? He has
lost his heart's brother, and not for a space only as I have done, but forever.
I am ashamed to ask him to ease my pain. How can a man with a scratch to his
ribs complain to one wounded who has been run through the heart?'
His own heart grew heavier, a stone in his breast. 'Nothing comes as it
came before. Change is the measure of the universe-- change is the nature of a
dragon-- the clouds in the sky and the waves on the sea keep no shape nor
place. Then why can I not cease to regret the changes that have come upon me? The sky
above the sun and stars is always there, and if we put our trust in it it will
not fail us. How little I knew when I spoke those lines. There is no
kindness in the Heavens nor constancy on earth. Ani-ue, Second Brother, Third
Brother-- all changed and gone from me, each in his way. Third Brother may come
back to me but not as he was before. If my brothers in their own oceans can
become strangers, what will happen to Third Brother in his years among the
youkai of earth?' A flash of anger went through him at the word. 'If he *is*
among the youkai. If my lying uncle showed me a true seeing---'
He turned to
his other side. I will not think of that. I've been about it and about and
my thought goes nowhere and does me no good. I will sleep and think only of
Shanten-oh's past kindness to me. He closed his eyes and repeated his
mantra until his senses slipped from him.
After the siesta Shanten-oh took Gouen to his library. The
two spent the afternoon looking at various manuscripts the king had received from
his friends among the poets of the continents, containing copies of the poets
of old and records of their own verse.
"And here," Shanten said, bringing out a small
volume, "are the poems I've had copied from the letters of one of my
correspondents, a man who is legendary in our land. You may have heard of him--
the recluse of Tsao'meikang?"
Gouen's heart jerked. "Pipang! Ah, of course you'd
know him. Have you too gone to visit him at his waterfall?"
"I would not intrude my state on his solitude, though
we correspond often. But should I take it you've met him yourself?"
"Yes," Gouen said wryly. "I did
intrude my state on his solitude, though I went incognito. We spent an evening
exchanging verse. Indeed..." He sighed without thinking. "Indeed, his
verses inspired me to heights I rarely achieve."
"I can imagine. They possess an ethereal delicacy
that's as rare as the Sage's own colour."
"Yes. He has much of the air of an Immortal to him."
"True, he's not entirely of this world. Not
surprising in view of his upbringing."
"His upbringing?"
"The story isn't generally known, though I'd heard
something of it before he told me. His parents were of the common run, and
having born so rare a son were perplexed to find an Older worthy of him. They
had no acquaintances among the scholarly and noble; their own relatives they
considered unsuited to train one of such delicacy. So the decision hung in
dispute from one year to the next, and finally, when he was fifteen, Pipang
left his mother's house and took the waterfall of Tsao'meikang as his
own."
Gouen stared. "Are you saying-- do you mean he never had
an Older?"
"Exactly. Strange as it seems, he never learned the
Forms. Yet he seems not to have missed their instruction and consolation, but
finds calm and sustenance in the rocks and streams of his mountain-- exactly
like the Immortals who need no food but subsist happily on air and dew."
"I see."
Shanten glanced at him. "I thought, if you'd visited
him, you might have wondered."
"I did." He looked down at the tea cup in his
hand. "But did you know the Sage recently spent five days at the Southern
Ocean, companying with my brother?"
Shanten raised surprised eyebrows. "Did he indeed?
Well, well. I'm glad to hear it, though I must wonder how far their companying
went. But Goushou-sama is also a red dragon, and likely to be sympathetic to
one of the Sage's delicate constitution. I think he has ever had a tenderness
for the wounded and afflicted."
"Yes, that is so. The Marquess held his affections
for many years, and his leaving grieved him for at least as long. Ah well. That
explains that, then."
"I'd heard that the Sage was of a surpassing
beauty," Shanten said, "though I've always wondered if that opinion
was an effect of the rarity of his colour."
"His colour, his delicacy, his talent, his wit and
his unworldliness-- it's all those things together, I think. But the result is
to make of him one well-nigh irresistible." Gouen hesitated. But
Shanten-oh had already seen through to his heart. No point in keeping silent
from pride. "I regret him. Indeed I regret him more and not less with the
passing of time. But at least now I know the reason for his refusal of me. Let
us speak of something else, Uncle."
Shanten at once turned the conversation to other poets and
Gouen followed his lead. The afternoon passed and dinner followed, and he and
Shanten found themselves at last sitting over tea as the red sun set behind the
mountains. Gouen watched the brilliant colours of the sky, fiery red below the
pale blue. He turned his head eastward and saw black night coming on; looked
back and found Shanten watching him. He steeled himself for the coming ordeal,
knowing that in his present heaviness of soul he could never match Shanten's
verse-- could barely acquit himself with honour, if that.
But it was no matter. When Shanten saw how clumsy his junior's efforts
were, he'd find a tactful way to cut the evening short. That thought
made his bitterness redouble.
Shanten spoke:
Your well is deep,
filled with night and black water.
A pebble falls.
No sound disturbs the silence.
Gouen's head was empty. After a moment he heard his voice answering
without thought:
My sea is deep,
its waters black and lightless.
The rain still falls,
salt water on the brine.
He put his sleeve over his
face to hide the tears that suddenly flushed his eyes. There was a rustle of
silk robes and the warm touch of Shanten-oh's fingers on the back of his free
hand. He turned it to take hold of Shanten's, grasping the age-softened skin until
he had himself under control.
"I'm sorry, Uncle," he said at last. "The
happiness of the past is too clear here, and it makes the present that much
more bitter to me. Forgive me. I have no heart for making verse these
days."
"It's hard to lose the only respite from grief one
has," Shanten said. "Yet that's so often the way of it."
"It's not the only respite," Gouen said, and
looked him in the face.
Hands still clasped they stood and went into the inner
chamber. Shanten's servants disrobed them and wrapped them in wadded gowns
against the chillness blowing from the mountain ranges. Gouen slid into the
sheets of the King's carved bed, rougher than those of the eastern and southern
lands but warmer as well. Shanten was beside him; Gouen turned eagerly towards
him in the room's half-light, clasping the smaller slender body in his long
arms.
Shanten's fingers began to move across Gouen's horns,
delicate strokes that made his breath come short. Shanten's lips worked over
Gouen's eartips, impossibly arousing. Gouen gladly gave up the struggle to
remain himself: no choice but to submit completely to Shanten's mastery. The
phantom lover touched him here, touched him there, made his eyesight go dark
and his breath choke in his throat. He was swimming in the rough dark waters of
his northern sea: invisible waves battered him, unseen spray blinded his eyes,
and his spirit roared its exhilaration. The touch of a talon on his sheath,
pinprick sharp, and Gouen groaned aloud. Then a soft touch lightly enveloped
him, moving in spirals up his length: the pattern of the Convolvulus without
the strength. It was too much. Gouen went under in a sliding wave of pleasure.
His hands automatically felt for the body beside him. He kicked the coverlets away and raised a leg. His apt and silent partner came at once above him: hooked Gouen's other leg over his shoulder and pushed both legs backwards over Gouen's head. Swift and smoothly he moved, and was within Gouen before Gouen knew what was happening. Then he rocked, and rocked, a sublime stroking such as Gouen had never known. Worlds opened inside his head; his mouth opened and sang, sang the deepness of the seas and their weight of water and the huge surging power of the waves that move over and under them until they crashed on the shore.
The servants came and went, leaving them washed and clean.
Gouen lay curled on the bed with the beating of Shanten-oh's heart against his
ear. Large slow-moving clouds of emotion filled his mind. He left them
unexamined, happy only to be in this calm back-eddy of pleasure removed from
his present world. Shanten-oh's fingers played gently with Gouen's sidelock
hair.
"I have much to learn from you," Gouen said at
last. "Never have I met with such perfect mastery."
"Some to learn, maybe, but not from me. What skill I
have is but the effect of my years. If you've never found it among your other
partners, it's because none of them are of your grandfather's generation."
Gouen gave a rueful laugh. "A pity that men may not
learn from their true masters until they come to middle years. I am lucky to be
your disciple and enjoy a pleasant instruction denied to others."
"It seemed to me that you did indeed find enjoyment
just now, with much less labour than the last time we joined here. 'Swimming
through the depths, deeper than a fish/ Flying in the heights, higher than the
birds' as the poem says. I am glad of it, Gouen-sama. It is no happiness for me
to cause you pain."
"That's a thing you've never done. The first time we coupled your
verse carried me beyond the limits of my body
and I became more than myself. And the light I found in the sky where we
joined shines still when I couple with you."
Shanten's mouth curled. "Now as I recall, it was night when we made
our poem together and the sky was as black as you are, for the moon was barely
waxing."
"It was night and the moon
was a talon paring that cast no light; but for me the noonday sun and the moon
at full and a myriad stars all together filled my heart and soul and
mind."
This time Shanten laughed. "Small wonder all men find
you irresistible, Gouen-sama. When you speak the stars themselves lean down to
listen."
"I say only what is in my heart. Care and sorrow drag
me elsewhere, but you are always sunshine to me."
"And how powerful is my sun? We made no poem this
night to carry you away. Is it that the door is open now that was so long shut
to you?"
Gouen sighed. "It is open, but only with you is that
a happiness. Otherwise---
The one I would drink with is far from the banquet:
The wine long desired proves bitter in the cup;
The one I would dine with is far from the banquet:
The feast long preparing is ashes when I eat.
The one I would bide with no longer knows his brother:
Sour though the wine is, I must drink it up;
The one whom I mourn for has found him another:
I must fill my stomach with poisoned drink and meat."
"Who is it you dine with these days, Lord Goujun
being gone?"
"My ani-ue, who requires me to take his place. He
would have me act as his younger's younger and chooses to ignore that I was
never that."
"Surely he hopes only for your mutual consolation,
since you have lost your Older and he his younger brother?"
"He may believe that's what he does but he should
know better. I've told him often enough. He acted as a father to me from my
earliest manhood and thus I thought him. It's too late now for him to be only
my oldest brother."
"That's hard for you indeed."
"I'm glad to hear you say so. The world is more
likely to agree with him-- that we are indeed brothers, and that I insult my
father's spirit to think of my ani-ue in his place. But that doesn't change the
past. Ani-ue was all the father I've had since the age of twelve. I danced my
Final Dance with him. It is bitter beyond saying that my love for him is forced
into another form, and one that I feel to be wrong."
Shanten was silent a moment in thought. "When the
need is great enough, surely love and reverence may compass an action that
seems wrong? The more so if it brings ease to a king and a brother."
Gouen looked up sharply, suspicion leaping in his breast.
"Gouen-sama?" Shanten said in startlement.
Gouen loosed a shaky breath, heart thudding. "I
wondered if you knew: if maybe Ani-ue told Shantsu-dono of the matter, and he
told you."
Shanten shook his head. "No. Should I ask what it is
you speak of?"
"You will despise me, but no matter. I will tell the
truth to you. My second brother does not lie above, as I do not-- did not-- lie
below. So for many years it was our custom for me to lie above him at
need." He looked straight into Shanten's face. "What do you think
drove Ani-ue here in such rage just after Third Brother's death?"
"Ahh," Shanten said, nodding. "I see. I
see. So it was Goushou-sama you meant just now, who had found himself
another?"
Gouen felt sudden heat in his face. "No," he
said automatically. "I was speaking of-- but indeed, it is true of Second
Brother too." He gave a bitter laugh. "I complain that my Ani-ue
wants too much of me and my second brother not enough. I am indeed hard to
please."
Shanten shifted onto his back to lie at Gouen's side.
"I think it is rather that life is complicated. Our laws and
customs indicate the way we should go, but we must tread the road there
ourselves, and the path is beset with difficulties unlooked-for--
Boulders block the river's course; it chokes in sandy
shallows.
Its waters still will force their way out to the welcome
sea."
Gouen sighed and answered:
"The sea spreads out on every hand, pent by the far horizon.
Its waves move only back and forth, unpurposed as the birds."
Shanten observed:
"Swift enough my river runs, and deep enough I think it.
But oceans move as heavens do, with depths I cannot plumb."
Gouen turned his head away.
"My ocean's depths are dark and cold, no light for man to see by.
And that which swims within them is too distant from the sun.
There's more to this than
what I've told you." He shifted away. "The first time I coupled with
Ani-ue too, I was more than myself. I had called challenge on him and he
defeated me in the skies. Yet even when I returned to earth the sky above the
clouds filled me with its vastness and coldness. It was Second Brother who
brought me back; without him I might still be there. But now when I am with my
ani-ue I feel the breath of the Blue Dragon's Vanquished chill on my neck. I
see the cloud-fields, I see the great bowl of the sky, and in my head I hear
the thoughts of the man who would have slain his older brother. Each time I
force myself to do as Ani-ue wishes I feel I am inviting him back again."
"And have you said this to the King?"
"No."
"Then perhaps you should. He too has tasted the power
and terror of the skies. He will understand your fear."
"I doubt it. He was Victor. What terror have the
skies for him?"
"The same as you: the terror of being other than himself. I know
the King is troubled by what happened to him there, for he said as much to me
at your honoured brother's funeral."
"Did he so? Then he should understand my
reluctance."
"I think he seeks to be close to you as brothers are close, in
friendship and fellowship and the joining of your bodies, and with that common
and familiar intercourse to combat the strangeness of the skies. Can you not
use the same talisman for yourself?"
"No. It was never common or familiar to me, but only a pain to be
endured. I have no memories to be called on."
"I'm sorry for it, and glad at least that you find some happiness
with me." Beneath the covers his hand stroked the length of Gouen's
underthigh, and Gouen drew his breath in deeply. That touch seemed to loose the
sinews along his back, the unconscious stiffness in his shoulders, and he gave
himself over to it, crooning in his throat.
"You would not plumb the dark depths of your ocean just now,"
Shanten murmured. "Would you care to fly the heights again, higher than
the birds?"
"I would, but not alone," Gouen said, and quoted the old poem:
"Weary the kestrel that wings by its lonesome.
Happy the petrel that flies with his mate."
Shanten smiled and added a new verse:
"Old wings must rest a while before they fly the winds' road
Let the gallant petrel take the air alone."
His hand moved beneath Gouen, light but constant, so distracting that
Gouen lost the will to express his protest. Shanten never touched his sheath
directly, much less his emerging root, but his fingers were always here, there,
touch, stroke, until Gouen near-wept from desire and an obscure loneliness that
muffled his soul like night. Shanten's hands urged him to his face, casting
away the covers. That was right, that was almost as he wanted to be, but it was
Shanten's mouth that moved across his buttocks and that was not to be borne.
"Uncle," he said, "uncle, stop a moment." He panted,
wiping his sweat-damp face against the sheets. "Is there no way for what I
want?"
"We might go to the heights indeed," Shanten said in his ear.
"Some things are easier there than here."
"Then let us go," Gouen said.
Shanten's weight left him. Gouen rose off the bed and pulled his robe to
rights. He took Shanten's proffered hand. They stepped out to the terrace and
so into dragon form, and the skies of the western continent received them.
Together they winged above the chill river to meet the draft of some warm
breeze of the upper air. A wordless song came into Gouen's head, woven of that
long ago and happy night and of his present restless unhappiness. He moved to
that music and saw, surprised and not surprised, that Shanten was following in
response.
For a timeless time his wings beat in a pattern his body knew and he did
not, and the blue dragon moved in slow coils about him. The words of the song--
he knew the words would come in a minute, if he danced long enough. Between an
ache to have the poem fixed and finished in his head and the lifting certainty
that he would have it soon-- the next moment or the next-- he turned and winged
and fell, aware of the other body near him in the air as he was aware of the
words just at the edge of his mind.
And then for a space there was no him, no Gouen, and no
Shanten and no Western River either--
only lights in the sky with no name, and a chillness far below and a coldness
far above, and between them the heat of the dance that was all his world.
Closer and closer he came to that which was his desire. Their necks entwined
and their heads moved now up, now down, to suck the other's horns, far above
the winging bodies that held them in the air. When it was right they separated,
all but their mouths and horns. Gouen turned himself about and raised his tail,
curving his neck back over so as not to lose the other's touch. And then it was
all right: then everything was finally as it should be.
And as he was filled up, and his tongue wound slowly about the horn in
its mouth, words finally came into his head. He watched the picture they made
with the eye of his mind until the eyes of his body saw no more.