Note: This story is based on the manga series Saiyuuki by Minekura Kazuya, except for the name of the dragon, because I like the anime name better. It's a yaoi PWP. It contains explicit m/m sex, which can get unpleasant on occasion. Don't read on if that bothers you. Rather more to the point, the story contains **untranslated Japanese words**. All the characters spoke English in the first draft, but they didn't sound like themselves doing it. So now they speak Japanese where necessary, and I really don't feel like having them repeat themselves in English. Too much like a pamphlet from the Canadian Government/ Gouvernement Canadien. Don't read this if the presence of foreign words in an English text offends you.
Specific to Saiyuuki Japanese OTOH needs a little unpacking.
Bakazaru- 'baka' (dumb, brainless, witless) + 'saru' (monkey). What Sanzou regularly (and Gojou occasionally) calls Gokuu
Erogappa- 'sexually perverted water spirit' (yes, really): 'ero' from erochikku + kappa, a traditional flat-headed Japanese bogle that lives in streams and pools and drowns passing travellers. What Gokuu regularly calls Gojou
Saru- 'monkey'. One of the many insulting things Gojou regularly calls Gokuu.
Bouzu- 'monk'. A not very polite way of addressing a monk. FTR what Gojou regularly calls Sanzou is 'namagusa-bouzu', 'raw-smelling monk', which won't translate into anything much in English, though it *means* a monk who neglects his vows. The point I think is that the monk so addressed smells from having eaten fish or animal flesh, which is forbidden to monks.
Hakkai is too polite ever to call anyone anything but their names. A pleasant relief from all the verbal testosterone flying around.
Harisen- not in my J/J dictionary even, but roughly a fan (I think) made of folded white paper. What Sanzou regularly hits Gokuu over the head with while calling him 'bakazaru.'
Gokuu's circlet- in the original Saiyuuki, a band Sanzou tricked Gokuu into putting on, which gives Gokuu terrible headaches when Sanzou recites a certain sutra. Keeps the ebullient Monkey under control. Here, the 'controlling device', like Hakkai's ear cuffs, that keeps the youkai Gokuu in his human- also rational and relatively peaceable- form. It's twice come off in the manga, the first time involuntarily when Gokuu became distraught at seeing Sanzou badly wounded, and the second time deliberately when Gokuu needed his youkai strength to defeat an enemy. Without it Gokuu takes on his natural form, which is pretty damn gorgeous, but also violent and insane and apt to attack both friend and foe.
Gokuu's something of an anomaly. Born from the collected 'aura' of the land and apparently birthed from a mountain, he isn't exactly a youkai but sure isn't human either. Generally he's regarded as a bit of both. 500 years before the action starts Gokuu was imprisoned on top of a mountain, for having done something appalling up in heaven that we're still waiting to find out about. Gokuu himself can't remember what it was. Sanzou on his early travels heard Gokuu's 'voice' calling him until he had to go find him. "And it just wouldn't *stop*. I wanted to pound the daylights out of him. But when I actually saw him he looked so dumb, there wasn't anything I could do." Gokuu's chains vanish at Sanzou's touch, and the two have been together ever since. Gokuu is now 18, plus or minus five centuries, and probably about 14 when he met Sanzou.
Thanks to Tracy for the title
Rain fell on the roof tiles of the inn and dripped monotonously from the eaves. The air was dank and heavy, and Genjou Sanzou lay awake on his narrow bed, suffering. On nights like this when the world wept endlessly and drearily, an incubus came to torture him in the darkest nighttime hours. As a young acolyte he'd heard the other monks' whispered descriptions of the lust-demons that assailed them after midnight. Some came in the shape of dark-haired women with red lips and full mounded breasts, who thrust their creased and nubbly nipples into the man's unwilling mouth and settled their moist thighs upon his erect member so that he lay trapped and paralyzed beneath flesh cold and wet as a fish's. Others there were who appeared as white-skinned boys, with dark inviting eyes and buttocks like melons, whose flesh was tender and giving as curds and who giggled obscenely as they wriggled their little cantaloupe bottoms onto the monk's staff. None of them had ever mentioned the kind of demon who visited Sanzou. Clothed from neck to toe in monk's garments, showing only the skin of his hands and face, he sat at the end of the bed, smiling a gentle smile, and Sanzou burned unbearably to feel the touch of him again.
Kouryuu, the figure said. His childhood name. The straight pale hair, the mild happy blue eyes, the beloved voice saying his name again. Koumyou Sanzou, his master and father and the sun in his sky for all his life.
Master... Sanzou whispered to it. Tears slid from his eyes and slowly down his cheeks. Sweat trickled from his temples. He was starving, he was dying, and he couldn't move a muscle.
Koumyou sat placidly, only two spans from Sanzou's foot, and as far away as the Bridge of Heaven. Sanzou ached like a man wracked with a tertian fever. His belly, his heart, his lungs and his loins were stiff and cramped with the longing to feel Koumyou's arms holding him once more, to hear Koumyou's heart beating against his ear and Koumyou's breath soft in his hair. Never again. Not for ten years now, and never again.
Master, have mercy. Leave me.
Koumyou only smiled.
Don't you know what I am, Kouryuu? The love you never had for your own. The love you failed to protect. Sanzou groaned in silent pain. Koumyou had given him life, plucking him unknown from the river's waters where he'd been cast at birth, and a name for his own- Kouryuu, 'cast on the stream'. Koumyou had raised him from infancy, loving but distant, kind but detached, always there but always not-there, as befits one who is perfect in the Way and so has no attachments to the things of the world. The child Kouryuu never believed in God. He believed in Koumyou, godlike in his freedom and tranquility. Then on a rainy night in his fourteenth year, Koumyou gave him his name in the Law, Genjou Sanzou. Kouryuu had never sought a priestly name, and certainly not such an exalted one as that. To be Koumyou's disciple was the end of his desires. But ten minutes later Koumyou was dead, thrusting his body between the new Genjou Sanzou and the knife of a marauding thief. And Sanzou had been unable to stop any of it.
Still reproaching yourself for your lack of strength? Koumyou looked at him in understanding, with pity not far below it. He knew the full depths of Sanzou's powerlessness. As he frivolously made paper aeroplanes from holy paper, so had he given Kouryuu the title of Sanzou as part of an obscure jest against the monkly order. As well crown a monkey king as make Kouryuu the foundling one of the sutra-bearing Sanzous, the Masters of the Law. For Genjou Sanzou was master of nothing, not even his own wantings; or else this spirit would never appear on dark wet nights to torment him with its untouchable nearness.
There was a small stirring from the other bed, and a low cough. Hakkai too was awake. Hakkai had his own reasons to hate rainy nights. Koumyou turned his head in his direction. You and he. Both of you seeing ghosts long since vanished in a sea of blood. Sanzou fought the temptation to speak. It would take only a word from him, a single low 'Hakkai', and the spirit would be gone. Hakkai would come into his bed, silent and accommodating, to offer his hands and his mouth or his narrow buttocks to satisfy Sanzou's need. That would answer for the moment. Hakkai's spirit had the same stillness as Koumyou's, the same calm quietness that soothed Sanzou's fretfulness. But it wasn't enough, in the end. Hakkai's soul was dark and shadowed, like a deep well of cold water into which a stone falls, while Koumyou had been like an empty room, peaceful and bright with the rays of the afternoon sun. It was that warmth and that light that Sanzou wanted again, as much as the gentle touch of Koumyou's hands. And the torture lay in knowing that both were gone forever.
...He was eleven. One of the older monks, Senshun, in a fit of anger called him Koumyou's catamite. Kouryuu had no idea what the word meant. His fellow acolyte Kamo, who was a catamite, enlightened him, in detail. Kouryuu was momentarily stunned. Then he stamped off to have a word with the monastery's fleas, who all moved into Senshun's cell. When Koumyou learned what had happened, he'd laughed aloud. "Senshun already has fleas enough biting his soul," he pointed out to his disciple. "Why add more?" Kouryuu saw the sense of that and sent the fleas back to their regular haunts, to the discomfiture of the other monks.
He was twelve, and his body troubled him, acting independent of his will, calling his attention away from his meditation and duties. He consulted Koumyou on how best to deal with its intrusions. "Give it what it wants and then forget it," Koumyou said. "The more you ignore it, the louder it will become. Satisfy it and it will be quiet." He took Koumyou's advice, though at first it meant missing services a lot, and for a time his body's wantings did indeed begin to slacken.
But when he was thirteen it was Koumyou himself who troubled him. His master was no different than before. It was Kouryuu who seemed to be seeing him with new eyes. The sight of Koumyou's hands, the faint paleness of Koumyou's hair, the lines of Koumyou's mouth, all seemed to start a fever within him. Being near to Koumyou was a torture, being away from him unbearable. He couldn't stay still. Senshun's fleas had gotten into his soul and he had no peace night or day. At last he went to Koumyou and said, "Master, I gave my body what it wanted and it ceased to trouble me. But now my body desires you, and I cannot give it what it wants without your co-operation." Koumyou laughed and opened his arms to him. Kouryuu flew into his master's embrace and, to his eternal shame then and thereafter, burst into childish tears of relief. Koumyou soothed him, then unfastened his own robe and Kouryuu's so that their bodies could lie together with nothing between them. Kouryuu pressed his face into Koumyou's neck and held him as tightly as he could. He felt he could die then and there of perfect happiness. He'd been like a man starving unawares who now has as much food and drink as heart could wish. Koumyou's hands caressed him gently before and behind so that he came at once, and then again, and again. The pleasure of it was so great he thought he would lose consciousness. But when he would have turned on his face to pay Koumyou the price for it, his master stopped him. "It's your body that desires me, Kouryuu, not the other way round," he said tranquilly. Kouryuu, remembering Kamo's stories, was unabashedly relieved. Only when Koumyou was dead did regret begin to gnaw at him, that he'd never held his master within his own body. If he had, maybe some of that sunshine would have come into his own soul...
Asshole. Sanzou sat up abruptly, fury scorching him. A cock up your ass is a cock up your ass is all it is. He dashed the tears from his face with both hands. He ached still with lust and regret, and he was damned if he'd go on with it another moment. He placed his hands together, index fingers touching; rested his left leg on his right thigh, and sought furiously for that area of emptiness within him where peace lay. Dark. Nothing. The empty ring of the void. No attachment. No regret. No desire. No past. The love you never had for your own. The love you couldn't protect. He closed his eyes tighter, calmed his breathing. Ignored the aching stiffness of his cock as it pressed against his thigh begging Once more, please just once more, even in dream no attachments the dark the void If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him. If you meet your ancestor on the road, kill him. If you meet your Master--
The door crashed open. "-had it," Gojou's voice said, filled with loud outrage. "He's your damned monkey, you can fucking well try and sleep with his snoring. I'm sharing with Hakkai."
Sanzou clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes tight shut. One more thing, just one. more. thing. and I'll kill the lot of them, I swear I will...
"Sanzou!!" Gokuu's shrill voice filled the room. "Make him stop, Sanzou!! He grabbed my blankets and I'm freezing, I don't wanna sleep with him I'm gonna sleep with you, ok Sanzou?" The monkey bounced onto the mattress beside him, reeking of bed-warmth and boy-sweat.
"What's the matter, Sanzouuu?" Gokuu was looking at him in his dumb ape fashion, big wide eyes, stupid unsuspecting face, witless stupid asshole like he didn't know-- He wore only his jeans and his hair was undone, falling young and fresh about his slender torso so he looked like a girl of thirteen, only a girl would have more sense than to be seen half-naked like that, the stupid loudmouthed irritating-- "It's his fault," Gokuu said indignantly, with the buzz-saw whine in his voice that made Sanzou want to do violence. "It's not my fault Sanzou, I can't help it if I snore and anyway he spends half the night jerking off and grunting--"
Sanzou's hand cracked hard against Gokuu's face. "Shut. Up," he said, low and savage. He couldn't stand this. He couldn't stand it another minute. Just let Gokuu get the hell off his bed and out of here--
"Wha'd you do that for!!" Gokuu said outraged. "I didn't do anything Sanzou why're you always picking on me ne Sanzou- Sanzooou!" and he grabbed Sanzou's arm with his hot little paw, "lissen to me--"
Something broke inside Sanzou. He stood up in white hot fury. "That does it. That does it. You asked for it and now by god you're getting it." He grabbed Gokuu and threw him face-down on the mattress, legs waving over the side. "Hold him down," he snarled at Gojou. Surprised, Gojou grappled Gokuu's wriggling shoulders as he struggled to rise and pinned them flat, while Sanzou pulled Gokuu's jeans off to bare his flat adolescent backside.
"Sanzou!!" Gokuu cried in outrage and fear. "What're you -"
"Gonna get your butt beat, monkey, and serve you right." Gojou grinned down at him, feeling an immense satisfaction. Should've done it years ago, Sanzou, he thought approvingly, and then realized, stunned, that Sanzou was thrusting open his own robes to reveal a rampant hard-on. Before Gojou could say anything Sanzou had lifted Gokuu's hips and shoved himself right in. Gokuu shrieked. His eyes rolled up to stare hugely straight into Gojou's. His mouth opened in a rictus of agony as Sanzou drew back out of him, then buried itself in the bedclothes, biting at the sheets. Shocked into stupidity, Gojou watched open-mouthed while Sanzou thrust in and out of Gokuu's ass harder than Gojou had ever fucked anybody in his life. Sanzou's face was white and stiff and his eyes burned with something that looked exactly like hatred.
"Sanzou! Oi, Sanzou!" Gojou yelled. "That's Gokuu." Sanzou gave him a furious glance. His expression had a twisted close-faced look that said, to Gojou's horror, 'I know.' "Sanzou," Gojou protested, not sure at all that it was Sanzou still and not some demon impersonating the monk.
"Sanzou," Hakkai's voice said beside him. Hakkai's hand was half-out as if to intervene, but he too was held chilled and immobile by the dark violence coming from Sanzou's spirit. Gojou let go of Gokuu's shoulders, ready to jump on Sanzou or whatever-it-was. But even as he did so, Sanzou thrust into Gokuu one long last time and then let him go. His chest rose and fell like a man at the end of a marathon race, and his eyes were closed. There were streaks of blood on his cock. He opened his eyes again and looked expressionlessly at Gokuu's naked form, now curled up into a shaking ball. He glanced up at them.
"Get out," he said. And no mistake, it was Sanzou, but still...
"Look, Sanzou," Gojou started, but Sanzou was already on his way to the wash basin in the corner.
"I said, get out," he said, turning on taps. "You too," he added to Hakkai.
Gojou balked, indignation and shock still churning his stomach around. But Hakkai picked up his small travelling bag, took Gojou by the arm and pulled him out into the corridor. Gojou let himself be led unwillingly.
"Sheesh," he said as they got back into his old room. "I didn't know-- I didn't know he was going to do that." He shivered uneasily. "Shit, that poor little chimp. What got into Sanzou anyway?"
Hakkai lay down on Gokuu's bed. "Saa ne," he said unhelpfully.
"Listen, Hakkai--" Gojou rounded on him, but stopped at sight of Hakkai's too-composed expression in the light of the small bedside lamp.
"Sanzou and Gokuu," Hakkai said, unmovably. "It's not our business. They'd both tell us that."
"Yeah but--" Gojou looked at him, then sat down on his own bed. It was easier to get a crab to come out of its shell and talk to you than Hakkai when he looked like that. "Oh fuck," he said at last, and reached for his cigarettes on the bedside table. He lit one and lay back against the pillows, frowning at the air. Hakkai turned on his side with a small sigh, ignoring the psychic sounds of Gojou stewing, and closed his eyes.
"Ne, Hakkai," Gojou said after several minutes.
"You've never done it, right?"
"You never had someone do-- you know-- what Sanzou just did? I don't mean like that," Gojou amplified uncomfortably, "I mean-- you know-- to you?"
Hakkai rolled back on his other side. "But of course."
"Maji?!" He sounded shocked. "Who??"
"Once or twice a week, usually."
"Oh." Dumbfounded silence. "Uhh--"
"Uhh-- Oh nothing."
"It's OK to ask," Hakkai said, calmly. "I don't keep things from you."
After a minute Gojou said, carefully casual, "Does it hurt?"
Hakkai considered. "Yes."
"It hurts a bit, yes?" Hakkai went on. "And sometimes a lot. But it's not like other pain. It feels more- what would you say?- pleasant, I suppose. Exciting. If you know what I mean."
"I don't," Gojou assured him. "At all."
"Aahh. Well, you'd have to do it to know."
"Sanzou..." Gojou started. Pause. "Sanzou-- He never said it hurts."
"Perhaps it doesn't hurt him. Or perhaps he likes it too."
"Anh." There was the click of the lighter and the smell of tobacco as Gojou lit another cigarette. Then silence. Hakkai closed his eyes and felt himself begin to drift off.
Hakkai jerked out of the shallows of sleep. "Yes?" he said patiently.
Hakkai turned his head uncertainly. "I beg your pardon?"
Gojou sat up deliberately and put his feet on the floor between their beds. "I want you to do me," he said. Hakkai looked in perplexity at his stiff mouth, his clenched hands.
"What Sanzou does to you." Hakkai felt his mind wasn't quite functioning because nothing occurred to him as an adequate response. "Dammit," Gojou exploded. "You never heard of fucking before?!" He leaned over Hakkai's form on the bed. "I want you to fuck me!"
Hakkai blinked. "If you like," he said, collecting himself. "But I've never done it."
"Oh." Gojou sat back on his bed, deflating. "You haven't?"
"Not with a man."
"Oh." Silence. Casually- "You want to?"
"If you like," Hakkai repeated politely.
"Would I be asking if I didn't like?" Gojou demanded. The obvious answer, given the strained note in his voice, was 'yes', but Hakkai refrained from pointing that out.
Hakkai sighed. "Alright then. Come over here."
"What do I do?"
"Get undressed a bit first." Hakkai was unfastening the lacings of his shirt. Gojou sucked air and pulled his undershirt over his head.
"The pants?" he asked, managing to keep his voice steady.
"Not just yet. Unless you want to, of course," Hakkai said. He was rummaging in his travel bag and came up with a tube of cream. Gojou swallowed at the sight of it. "You'll have to get me ready first," Hakkai went on, and unexpectedly handed him the tube before starting to undo his trousers. Gojou looked at it, perplexed.
"What do I do with this?"
"Put it on your hands."
"Oh. OK," Gojou said, getting it. "You don't want me to use my mouth?" he added with a show of bravado.
Hakkai's eyebrows quirked in surprise. "Not unless you want to," he said again, politely.
"Uh, no. It's ok." Gojou got a glob of cream on his palm. Hakkai lay back on the pillows, trousers open and cock dangling to the side. Gojou shifted closer to him and took a hold of it. He squeezed experimentally, and Hakkai drew a deep breath.
"Like this?" Gojou asked, starting the rhythm he used on himself.
"Mnh. Use both hands," Hakkai said in a faraway voice, with his eyes shut. "All around it--"
Gojou did so, a little uncertainly. He didn't know where Hakkai wanted the most pressure or quite how to get it. He'd never tried this method on himself. One hand was always enough on the occasions when he had to. Hakkai's hips were thrusting slightly into the grip of Gojou's palms. Oh, Gojou thought, enlightened. Like with a woman. That made it easier. Just remember what the women seemed to do with him and do that himself. He picked up the rhythm easily and it seemed to work. Hakkai was getting hard in his hands and breathing deeply. Gojou glanced in triumph at his face. There was a deep crease between the closed eyes and his mouth grimaced almost in pain. A single wet line threaded from the corner of his left eye into his hair. Gojou blinked in surprise, and then understood. He's thinking of her. Not me. It's her he's seeing. A small raindrop of desolation ran down his soul, an old old hurt from a long way back.
"Oi," Gojou said in protest, but couldn't think what to say after that. "I think you're ready," he added feebly. Hakkai's eyes opened and his expression smoothed out into its usual half-smile. It was like a door shutting, politely but firmly. That was too much. Before Gojou knew what he was going to do he'd leaned forward, put both arms under Hakkai's neck and pulled him up for a kiss. Hakkai gasped in surprise, but Gojou held him still, lips clamped to Hakkai's and tongue inside Hakkai's mouth. This is me, ok? Me, Gojou, your pal. I know you loved her but it's me with you now. He'd no idea how you kissed a man- Sanzou would have pounded him for even trying- but his instincts took over for him. He found himself kissing Hakkai fiercely and insistently, the way he'd kiss some heart-broken girl whose boyfriend had dumped her, keeping her mind on the man with her now and not the one who'd gone. After a moment Hakkai's hand came up to push him away. Gojou loosed him, suddenly very unsure of himself. Would Hakkai feel insulted by that...?
Hakkai didn't seem mad. He was drawing deep breaths, but his one eye, dark in the dimness of the room, considered Gojou thoughtfully. Gojou swallowed hard. This was that other Hakkai, the quiet noticing one you saw sometimes underneath the cheerful mother-hen Hakkai. The one who could make you feel as transparent as glass. "Sumimasen," Hakkai said, with a small rueful smile, and that felt warm and good as a home-coming. It didn't matter if Hakkai saw right into Gojou's head. It was him Hakkai saw, not someone else laid over him. But still he was surprised when Hakkai reached an arm up to pull him down and began kissing him in turn. Oh well- what the hey? Gojou thought. So he's a man. It's not that different. Hakkai had a nice soft mouth, clean-tasting and warm, not what you'd think a man's mouth would be like. 'Course, Gojou thought distractedly as he explored inside it, Hakkai doesn't smoke... And lost the thought as Hakkai's hands started moving over his shoulders, long hands with blunt-ended fingers, so much larger than a woman's. It was great to feel their warmth and strength and the way they ran across his back, finding funny little nerve centres here and there and pressing them so strongly that he groaned aloud. Hakkai's mouth began to work at Gojou's neck, nuzzling and tickling his jaw and earlobe in a way that gave him butterflies in the stomach. Sheesh, imagine Hakkai knowing that...
"You're beautiful," Hakkai said in simple appreciation, managing to knock Gojou totally off-balance. It wasn't that he'd never heard that line before, but that he'd never ever expected to hear it from Hakkai. And since Hakkai was Hakkai he wouldn't say it if he didn't meant it. Gojou felt his face go scalding hot. Hakkai ran a considering hand through Gojou's long red hair, letting it slide through his fingers. "When we first met, when I stayed with you that time, I always felt so odd when I saw you without your shirt." He gave a little smile at the memory. "I couldn't quite understand it. I wanted to ask you not to take it off but of course I couldn't, since it was your place. But I wasn't ever able to look straight at you without-." He pressed his hardness against Gojou's leg.
"I'm just one gorgeous stud," Gojou said, feeling a funny sense of satisfaction. "Didn't know I could do it to guys too, though."
"Ahh. You can," Hakkai assured him and reached up for another kiss. His hands moved caressingly down the planes of Gojou's back, down and down into the valley of his waist, while his mouth moved against Gojou's own. Gojou purred his pleasure at the warm feeling running up his spine. And then Hakkai's hands slid under the waistband of his pants and grabbed his butt. Gojou arched upwards in surprise and dizzying amazement so that he lost Hakkai's mouth entirely.
"Shit," he said. It was the one thing he could say, because he'd gone rock-hard inside his pants. Sparks flew in front of his eyes and his butt clenched hard. "Hakkai--" he managed as Hakkai's fingers squirmed between his cheeks as far as they could get in that narrow space back there. "Hakkai-- no wait, Hakkai--"
"Not yet?" Hakkai asked. Thankfully the terrible fingers stopped their squeezing. Panting, Gojou caught a glimpse of Hakkai's face, a pale sweaty pink like it never was even when Hakkai drank.
"Lemme-- get them off--" He rolled half off Hakkai, breathing too hard to get his fly undone just yet.
"Ahhh." Hakkai was undoing it for him. His cock sprang out, happy to be free. Hakkai pulled Gojou's pants down his legs and off. Memory came back, like a distant warning bell sounding through the red mist of arousal. Oh God, he'd asked Hakkai to-- Gojou met Hakkai's eyes, seeing for the first time the bright sexual spark in their depths. Shit, he thought, as his stomach contracted, Hakkai never looks like that. What've I got myself into here?
"Shall we go on like this?" Hakkai asked. "Or would you rather take the lead now?" Gojou's mind floundered amid a drunken sense of dislocation- Hakkai politely asking did he still want a cock up his ass, like he'd offer him a cup of coffee...
"I-- I--" Gojou dithered, a whole bunch of things elbowing each other for attention in his brain all at once- the little spark in Hakkai's eyes and the warm Hakkai-smell from his armpits and Gokuu's eyes huge and staring and Sanzou's cock plunging in and out of Gokuu's ass and Hakkai's cock hard and red beside him and the pitiless line of Sanzou's mouth and Gokuu biting the sheets in agony and the crazy-making smell from Hakkai's groin- all grabbing at his own groin, panic and excitement together feeling exactly the same. And Gokuu shaking afterwards---
"Do me," he gasped, like jumping off a cliff. "I'll-- lemme up here--"
Hakkai placed a hand on his chest, pressureless. The forefinger of his other hand stroked the line of Gojou's bottom lip. "I really wish we could be looking at each other," he said with a wistful smile, "but I don't know how to do it that way."
"Yeah, well- maybe another time," Gojou said witlessly. He looked at Hakkai's worried eyes. "Hey-" he said, and grinned suddenly up at him, spirits bounding like a big red rubber ball flying high into the sky, cause hey, this was Hakkai after all, his best friend and buddy, and who else would he ever let screw him? "C'mon, let's fuck."
They got up. Gojou threw his hair back over his shoulders, took a deep breath and bent over the end of the bed. His arms were flat out on the mattress and his face was turned against the sheet. He felt like a total sitting duck with his ass up like this, and really stupid as well, but what else could he expect? "That ok?" he asked over his shoulder.
"More than ok," Hakkai said with an odd little smile on his face. Hakkai's hot hands moved over the skin of his butt, intent and caressing, as if trying to read something in his skin. Gojou felt himself flushing again. And it was funny but it felt good, Hakkai rubbing his fanny like that, even though his stomach was going all butterfly on him, even though his cock was hardening on him all over again, even though--
"Come on," Gojou demanded, even though he thought he meant 'go on.' "What're you waiting for?"
"Oh, but you *are* beautiful," Hakkai mused, running a finger consideringly over Gojou's balls, which promptly tried to crawl back inside him. Gojou groaned, head swimming. Hakkai disappeared for a second and then was back. Next minute a greasy finger slid into his asshole, maddeningly hot and tight, and moved back and forth there. Gojou's mouth opened wide and he sucked air desperately into his lungs.
"Hakkai, for shit's sake--" he gasped. He screwed his face up tight. He'd never felt anything like-- hot, intrusive, marvellous, this-- Hakkai's finger circled inside him and he bounced a little on the balls of his feet, he couldn't stop himself, his fingers clutched the sheets and he clamped his jaw so as not to yell out loud. He was going to come if it didn't stop. His head was going all swimmy and he had that teetering on the edge feel. Hakkai stop for shit's sake Hakkai---
The finger slid out of him, not a moment too soon. He panted, recovering. And then something else was there, nuzzling at his asshole and squeezing in, something strong and resilient moving right inside him. Gojou gulped. It was-- so big. It was- it was- He drove his face into the mattress, making little pig grunts unh unh unnh as it came in- it was so big, it was too big, there was a hot hot pain in his asshole like a white hot wire. He buried his mouth in a fold of sheet and squeezed his throat shut so the shrill nnhhhhh sound he was making wouldn't come out of it. His eyes were starting out of his skull, his muffled mouth was yelling soundlessly into the sheet, his fists clenched hard to keep him together as this impossible hurting thing went on oh shit oh shit ohhh SHIT. He yanked himself under control, got his breathing calmed so he could ride the pain and his pounding heart, ok it hurts ok it hurts ok it hurts I can take it ok it ngh hurts I been hurt worse I can take it. Bigger-than-it-ought-to-be filled his ass back there, and moved out which hurt even more, he had to empty all his lungs to get over that one and suck air again when it bored back inside him. Tears leaked out of his eyes but his face was right in the mattress, Hakkai wouldn't see, ok it hurts ok it hurts I been hurt worse only he couldn't remember when. He was hanging on, hanging on, until it got over with cause it couldn't last forever, this sawing in and out, it won't last forever it's always over too fast with Sanzou. Too fast for who? he thought, gulping with the realization. Hakkai was speeding up now, making it worse. He was crying hard, really really hard like he'd never done ever but it made it easier, it's gotta end sometime it can't last forever. Somewhere he thought he heard Hakkai say his name but he couldn't answer cause he was crying hard, chest working like a bellows ok it hurts ok it hurts ok it hurts--
"AUNNN!" And that really hurt so he started right up off the bed and the sound yelped out of him; but then it really was over. He burned horribly but Hakkai wasn't in him any more, Hakkai was holding onto his waist and sobbing and panting with his face against Gojou's back. Gojou elbowed him off violently. Fuck him anyway. He crawled onto the bed and curled up around himself, with his face in darkness like a wounded animal hiding. He was running with sweat- his hair was soaking- and his heart pounded so loud in his ears it deafened him. And he hurt so bad he thought something must have got broken back there, it was bad as a broken bone was how bad it was, and his gut was heaving a little, not heaving but shaking inside him like all of him seemed to be shaking now it was over. He didn't know how long it went on before he heard Hakkai's voice beside him, more than usually tentative, saying his name.
"Fuck off," Gojou snarled into his arms.
"Here," Hakkai said apologetically. A wet cloth touched the pain in his ass. Gojou grunted. "I'm sorry," Hakkai's soft voice said. "Just let me get you clean..." He washed Gojou as delicately as possible. Gojou registered the trying-not-to-hurt of it at least, even though it wasn't possible to get near that burning soreness without making it worse. When Hakkai was finally done and gone Gojou pulled himself up onto his side, rubbing his nose and scowling.
"You're crazy, you know that?" he said to Hakkai over at the wash basin. He sniffed the tears back inside his nose. "You and Sanzou, you gotta be outta your fucking minds, letting a guy do that to you." He fished out a cigarette and lit it, turning his back on Hakkai's crestfallen shoulders. "How could you call that fun? It's as much fun as having your fingernails ripped out!" Irritably he got his pants off the floor and pulled them back on.
"I'm sorry," Hakkai said. He came back to the bedside, face pale with unhappiness. "I should have known I would hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me, dammit!"
Hakkai's head drooped. "Forgive me, Gojou-san." Gojou's gasp made him inhale when he meant to exhale and he choked on a lungful of smoke. Hakkai turned to the other bed and began to get into it.
"Oyyii!" Gojou said in outrage. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get back over here!" He reached over and stubbed his cigarette into the ashtray on the bedside table as Hakkai turned a startled face towards him.
"Come on." Gojou moved to the edge of the narrow bed, getting the sheets and blankets from under him and over his legs. He jerked an imperious chin at the mattress. "Get in."
"There isn't really room for two," Hakkai ventured as he lay down in the indicated spot.
"Lie on your side." Gojou pushed him over a bit. "Like spoons. But turn that light off first."
"Mmhm." Hakkai did so and settled down in the semi-darkness. Gojou put an arm over him. That was better. He sniffed one last time, pretending the last of his tears was just a runny nose. Nice and cozy here. Made the pain in his ass fade to an ache he could just put up with. Outside the window the neon sign across the street blinked in, pink and purple, pink and purple, pink and purple. And here in front of him was the familiar smell of Hakkai, taking him straight back three years to when they'd first met, when Hakkai'd shared Gojou's one small room and one small bed for a month and the Hakkai smell had been with him always.
"Takes me back," Hakkai said softly in the pink and purple darkness.
"Mn. It's ok." He shoved his face into Hakkai's shaggy hair for a moment, which was ok too cause it was dark and no-one to see him do it, and felt Hakkai relax at last. "Guess that's what it's like for a woman, first time," he mused. "No wonder they yell. Well, least now I know how it is."
"What goes around comes around?" Hakkai's voice asked after a minute.
"A payback, you mean? Umm- maybe," Gojou said dubiously. "But- you know- I may push a bit at times, but I've never done it with a woman who didn't want to. Specially not a virgin. I can't take it when they cry after."
Hakkai was silent. Light dawned. "Oh. You weren't talking about women."
"Well no," Gojou said, vaguely offended. "You said it wasn't our business. I don't have to- to make anything up to him, for god's sake. I mean--" He stopped. "Hell. Well, maybe," he conceded. "He just looked-- you know." He moved uneasy shoulders. "Do you believe all that? Karmic balances or whatever they're called?"
"The gods keeping accounts of what we do? I don't know," Hakkai said. "It might be possible. There's something at work, balancing things out, I do know that."
"Yeah?" Gojou asked. "Well, you've met them, you'd know. And don't tell me about it," he added quickly. "I don't want to hear."
Gojou squirmed again. Now Hakkai had brought the matter up it seemed like his ass was burning in a kind of reproach. Well hell, if he owed the monkey boy anything for having helped Sanzou fuck him, he'd paid in full. Which didn't make the discomfort any better. Except that it was an odd kind of discomfort. Heat where no heat should be, that for some reason seemed to be talking to his cock in the funniest kind of way. Because his cock was pushing at the front of his pants and pushing at Hakkai's ass...
"Ahh- speaking of paybacks-" Hakkai said over his shoulder.
Gojou shifted uneasily. "I couldn't possibly," he said. The idea had become a total turnoff, and boy was Sanzou going to be happy about that in a few days. He sighed, feeling overwhelmed by the world.
"Oh, now," Hakkai said, somehow managing to turn over without falling out of the bed. "I'm sure we can do something here." His hands got at Gojou's fly and let Gojou's cock out. They were so close together Hakkai didn't have much room to move, but his hands felt really good holding on and squeezing like that.
"Oh yeah," Gojou said, "ohh yeah- yeah that feels good--" Hakkai pressed harder in a steady rhythm, a rhythm that went right through Gojou's groin so that- funniest damned thing- the aching in his asshole seemed to pick it up and throbbed to the same beat. And it shouldn't have felt good but it did, and his cock's head rubbing against Hakkai's chinos felt good, and Hakkai's rough warm hands felt good too though it was all so different from what he was used to. "Oh good- oh good-" Gojou panted in time with his pulsing blood and Hakkai's rubbing hand, "You're so good, Hakkai-- man, you got lovely hands--" There was a minute disconcerted pause and then Hakkai picked up the rhythm again.
"Ahh," he said placidly. "I'm glad." Sad was what he sounded to Gojou's ears but that was silly because it was all so wonderful. Gojou remembered what he'd done before, back earlier when their positions were reversed, and suddenly wanted to do it again.
"Oi, Hakkai." Hakkai looked up. Gojou leaned over the inch or so and kissed his mouth. Nice to know you could do that. Kiss a man's mouth. Weird, but nice. Hakkai's mouth. Hakkai's nice mouth. Hakkai kissed him back, firm and dry. Oh very nice. No complaints there at all at all. In fact... Gojou wriggled so he was up against Hakkai, crowding him so his hands didn't have room to move any more. Gojou took his mouth away long enough to tell him "It's ok," cause it was more than ok, all he wanted to do was kiss Hakkai's mouth and squeeze into Hakkai's hands and press as close up against Hakkai as he could and get his own hands around Hakkai's chin and hold it steady and kiss him until some silent explosion happened behind his eyes and he had to let go and say 'Ungh- ungh- ungh--!' as the explosion ripped through the rest of his body. Then there wasn't any him any more for a bit, just pink purple pink purple blinking in front of his eyes. Sound of water over in the corner. Hakkai's dark form by his side pulling the blanket up to cover him.
"Good-night, Gojou." He turned to the other bed.
"Nigh'--." Oh nice- nice- pink purple- that- pink purple- with Hakkai- he was putting beads together- not beads- plastic thingies pink and purple- shaped like monkeys, each with a little knob in front and a little hole in back for the knob to fit in pop beads for the kids and he fitted the Sanzou bead into the Hakkai bead and the Hakkai bead into the Gojou bead and pulled it out pop! which made him grin and put it back in and tried to bend the Gojou bead around to fit into the Sanzou bead but it was too short he needed more beads and he knew he'd forgotten one but they all seemed to be there the Gojou bead the Sanzou bead the Hakk--
"Out." The blanket stripped off him, pulling him half off the mattress.
"Hunh--!!" He thrashed about. Sanzou's hand grabbed his bicep, hauled him to his feet and shoved him away.
"I'm sleeping here. You can have the other room. Go." Sanzou threw himself onto Gojou's bed, pulled the blanket up to his neck, and turned on his side away from him. Gojou blinked in outrage and disorientation. Something clicked in the slow reaches of his mind. He shut his mouth, cocked his head to one side, and considered Sanzou's prone figure. Hakkai got silently out of bed and came to stand next to him. They both looked at Sanzou a long moment before their eyes slid over to look at each other. Hakkai nodded once and padded out of the room.
The room across the way was darker than the other since it faced out onto the garden, not the street. Hakkai waited for his eyes to adjust. On the far bed was the mounded hump that was Gokuu rolled up in blankets, and on top of that a white form that mewled a little in distress as Hakkai came near. He scratched Hakuryuu consolingly behind the ear and Hakuryuu chirrupped again, worried and unhappy. It's ok, Hakkai thought at it, stroking the tiny mane. I'll see he's ok. The little dragon seemed reassured, but it bent its scaly neck to nuzzle at the blankets where a patch of Gokuu's hand was all that showed. Hakkai sat down and put two fingers there. The mound shifted and one yellow eye was revealed, angry and desolate as only a monkey's eyes can be. Hakkai waited. After a minute Gokuu's head emerged from the blanket.
"I'll kill him," he said. His voice was hoarse from crying. "I'll kill the stupid sucker."
"You don't believe me. I will. I'll- I'll tear him apart. I'll rip his lungs from him."
"If that's what you want," Hakkai said, "we won't stop you."
"You're laughing at me." Gokuu sat up. His mouth stretched in misery. "Don't laugh at me, I mean it--"
"I'm not laughing at you."
After a second Gokuu hunched his shoulders and turned away. "You know I can't," he said in a defeated voice. "Sanzou-- He can do whatever he wants. I can't touch him. The bastard."
"If you want it," Hakkai repeated seriously, "we won't stop you. We couldn't stop you. Nor could Sanzou."
"Hunh?" Gokuu looked round at him, puzzled. He saw where Hakkai's eyes were focussed and his hand went up unthinkingly to the circlet in his hair. He froze. "You're crazy," he said. His two huge eyes stared at Hakkai, horrified. "You're out of your mind--"
"You can do it if you want to," Hakkai said without emphasis. They looked at each other a long moment. Then Gokuu seemed to droop all over. He hugged his arms about himself, looking down at his lap.
"You're the only one that understands," he said in a tiny voice. "Sanzou and Gojou... They just don't know how it is. "
"Gojou doesn't," Hakkai agreed. "He can be human and youkai at the same time, and quite happy with it. He doesn't have to be either-or, like us. But Sanzou- he's more like us than you think. Only not as lucky." Gokuu's eyes were huge in the dark, listening to him. "You've got that-" he nodded at Gokuu's circlet. "I've got these-" he indicated his ear cuffs. "So our demons stay inside. Sanzou's got nothing but his own will, and so they come out."
Gokuu frowned. "But he's not a youkai..."
"We're not the only ones that have demons."
Gokuu bent his legs and put his arms around them angrily. "So I'm supposed to forgive him because he can't help himself or something?"
"I didn't say anything about forgiving him."
"Then what-- What are you saying anyway? What do you want me to do?"
Hakkai looked at him in bemusement. "I never thought I'd hear Son Gokuu asking me that. What do you want to do?"
"I want--" He ran a hand over his face. "I don't know what I want."
"What does Sanzou call you when he's angry?"
"What does he call you when he's pleased with you?"
"Huh? Bakazaru. What-- Oh." Gokuu's head came up, thoughtful.
"If I wanted to be revenged for something Sanzou'd done to me," Hakkai said, "if I really wanted to hurt him back, ne?- I'd forgive him. He'd hate it. He wouldn't be able to live with it. He'd much rather I punched his head. That would leave him his self-respect."
"He wouldn't stand still for it. He'd hit back."
"True. That's the drawback of doing things his way. But of course," Hakkai shrugged and smiled, "we have to do things his way. That's the drawback of dealing with a Sanzou."
"I know," Gokuu muttered bitterly.
"Worth it?" Hakkai asked him, seriously wanting to know.
"Yeah," Gokuu said after a long moment, and loosed a long breath. "Worth it. Only what do I do now? Hit him over the head with a harisen?"
"Something like that. Come. Shall we go get this settled? It's late, and we really should try to get some sleep."
"Now?" Gokuu sounded dubious. "You think he'll even listen?"
"What goes around comes around. Yes, I think he'll listen."
They walked back into the room. Sanzou's eyes were tight shut and his mouth a flat line. Portrait of a Man Asleep. Gojou was sitting on the other bed, legs pulled up, arms dangling over his knees, watching him.
"Yo-o, saru," he said as they came through the door. Gokuu reflexively hunched his shoulders away from him. Gojou hauled his rangy body off the bed, shoved his thumbs into his belt, and walked over to stand above the little monkey. He bent his head with a jerk so his long red hair fell forward over his face.
"Suman', na," he said. Gokuu's eyes slid back and up. Gojou was holding the position, still looking straight at the floor. Gokuu's shoulders lowered a little.
"'S'ok," he said. "Erogappa."
Gojou sighed and ran a hand across the back of his head. "Had that coming," he admitted. "No hard feelings?"
"Nah." Gokuu sat down on the end of Gojou's bed, still turned away from Sanzou. Gojou went back to where he'd been before and Hakkai stayed standing. They looked at Sanzou. Sanzou's back conveyed clearly that he was asleep and hadn't heard a word of the exchange. Gojou got out a cigarette, lit it, and brought his bent legs up onto the bed again to support his arms.
"I knew a monk once," he said conversationally, to the air. "Not much of a monk, I'll say that. Smoked like a chimney, drank like a fish, and shot people's heads off if he didn't like their faces." A miniscule movement under the blanket suggested Sanzou was clenching his fists. "And swore. Did I mention he swore a lot? Really foul mouth he had. Went with his foul temper. But from time to time- not often, of course, but enough that you knew he wasn't a total dipshit- he'd actually say something sensible. And what he said once to me, he said, 'Anybody who kills another person has accepted that he'll be killed himself one day. That's what they call karmic retribution.' It's true. And me, you know, I think that goes for screwing. Anybody who fucks his pals has accepted that he'll be fucked himself one day. Don't you think?" Hakkai heard Gokuu's sharply indrawn breath, but he was watching Sanzou. If the monk's form could have gotten any stiller, it would have.
Gojou put his feet back on the floor and leaned forward over the narrow space. "Oi, boe-zeww," he said. "That's you I'm talking about. Time for a little karmic retribution here, wouldn't you say?"
Sanzou sat up abruptly, swinging around to face him knee to knee. The smile on his face was surprisingly reminiscent of a shark's.
"You and whose army?"
"Not me." Gojou smiled straight back at him. "Stop wriggling, Sanzou. You know who it is you're gonna bend over for."
"You're out of your fucking mind," Sanzou told him precisely. "You think I'm going to do that?"
"Yes we do, actually," Hakkai said. Sanzou gave a contemptuous snort. "What goes around comes around," Hakkai told him. "It's the Law and the Way."
"I don't give a fuck about the Law or the Way," Sanzou said. "I follow my own path and always have."
"Of course," Hakkai agreed seriously. "But you won't always be able to run into another room when his silence gets too loud for you."
Sanzou went still. His unwilling eyes moved towards Gokuu's back.
"Gokuu," he said after a moment.
"Sanzou," Gokuu said. He didn't turn around.
Sanzou's mouth was half-annoyed and half something else.
"If it's an apology you're after--."
"Stupid APE!" Sanzou yelled. "What do you want, then?!"
"Your ass," Gojou said. "He's entitled. Lemme hold him down for you," he offered Gokuu, getting happily to his feet.
"No," Gokuu said. He was looking at his fingers. "Let him do it himself. Not because you're making him."
"Yare yare," Hakkai sighed, sitting down in a heap beside Gojou. "You are out for blood."
"That's my condition," Gokuu said. He sounded terribly young, and terribly decided. Hakkai looked at Sanzou. Gojou looked at Sanzou.
"Well, Sanzou?" Gojou said.
Sanzou frowned at Gokuu's back. There was silence.
"Does he have condoms?" Sanzou asked at last.
"Surely you don't need them," Hakkai tutted. "He's still a virgin."
"Yeah, but Sanzou isn't," Gojou pointed out.
"I'll kill you!!" Sanzou howled.
"I think you can pass on the condoms," Hakkai said judiciously. "The risk can't be that high."
"Alright," Sanzou said. His eyes went back to Gokuu. He stood up, undid the sash of his robe, and let the white silk slide off him. He stepped to the end of his bed and pulled his black briefs off. Gokuu had turned his head to watch. Sanzou stood before him, covered from chest to belly in his black leather corselet, and naked from there on down.
"Ohhh my god," Gojou breathed, putting his hands over his face momentarily. Oh migawd I just changed my mind. "Lemme at him..."
"Hunh?" Hakkai half-glanced at him, distracted. Gojou shook his head.
Gokuu had gotten to his feet. His face was flushed and his eyes glazed a little.
"This is what you wanted?" Sanzou asked him.
"Fine." Sanzou turned his back on him. He put both hands flat on the mattress of his bed and bent forward. Gokuu's eyes were rivetted on him as he began to undo his fly. He opened his jeans and took out his cock.
"Ohh my GOD," Gojou whispered again. He'd never seen Gokuu with a boner before. "Owww-- poor Sanzou..."
"Well, he *is* a monkey," Hakkai murmured to him, and then aloud as he started to get up, "Ahhh- let me get you some cream- I've some here in my bag--"
"He didn't use any with me," Gokuu said.
"Ahh- yes but-- you're a virgin, it's not the same," Hakkai gabbled persuasively. "You don't want to scrape yourself raw--"
"I don't care if I do. I'm doing what Sanzou did." Gokuu's face was unnaturally sombre and intent. Hakkai felt a moment's unease. 'Oh dear- I hope that circlet holds...'
"Go ahead," Sanzou said contemptuously, not looking at him. "Shove it in, bakazaru."
Hakkai sighed and sat down again. Gokuu put both hands on Sanzou's white ass and pulled the cheeks apart. He was breathing heavily and his mouth twitched a little. "Zama miro, Sanzou," he said in a thick voice and pushed himself in all at once. Sanzou's face constricted and his mouth opened in a silent scream. Gokuu pulled partway out and then plunged back in again, violent with energy and no technique at all. Back and forth he went and back and forth, his body slamming hard against Sanzou's. Sanzou's back arched and his lips twisted above clenched teeth. His eyes were squeezed shut but tears leaked from beneath them and fell plopping onto the sheet.
Hakkai looked away uncomfortably, but Gojou was transfixed by the sight. He got up to see better. Gokuu's fingers were leaving deep red marks in Sanzou's skin. Gokuu's pelvis vibrated back and forth as his cock punched in and out of Sanzou's ass. Sanzou's head dropped to the mattress and his high-pitched groans were lost in the bedding. It was Gokuu who was yelling, a wild aaangh over and over coming from his belly. His face was contorted, a stranger's. Gojou in turn felt a twinge of unease. His arm itched where ages back the Gokuu-who-wasn't-Gokuu had sunk his teeth in it. But the circlet still held. It was the monkey boy fucking Sanzou like that, not the heavenly stranger. Kid's growing up, Gojou thought with an odd pang of regret. I wish... Gokuu finished with one wild yell and pulled out all at once. Gojou winced. Sanzou stayed bent over, face hidden in the bed, shaking a little. Gokuu stood behind him, hands over his own face. His loud panting breath sounded rawly in the room. There was a touch on Gojou's arm. Hakkai nodded him to the door and Gojou followed morosely after.
Hakkai took his watch from his pocket as they re-entered their room, clicked his tongue a little at the time, and lay down on his bed again. They'd get a few hours sleep, at any rate. But the silence from the neighbouring bed didn't feel quite like Gojou was settling down.
A sigh in the dark. "It's a cold age we live in," Gojou said sadly.
"Gokuu. That was his first time- It's just too bad."
"I wish-- I just wish-- it could have been different."
"Mnn. That's why we're travelling, isn't it?"
"Yeah." Gojou sounded a little comforted. "Yeah, I guess it is."
Sanzou stood up. His ass ached ferociously but the rest of him was empty as the night. He picked up his briefs and put them on, back to Gokuu.
"Satisfied?" he asked.
'Sanzou.' Gokuu's voice was heart-broken, laced with tears. Anger narrowed Sanzou's eyes. Dumb ape. Gets what he wants and boo-hoo-hoos afterwards. He turned to him in contempt. Gokuu stood challengingly, thin shoulders raised, fists balled. Sanzou blinked in surprise. Gokuu's eyes were yellow and his mouth was a thin line. Sanzou, he said, but his lips didn't move. Sanzou. Please, Sanzou. Sanzou stared at him. "Satisfied," Gokuu said flatly. "Thanks for the screw." Sanzou, his voice wept. Sanzou.
After a minute Sanzou said gently, "Oh, shut up." It was Gokuu's turn to look surprised. "Bakazaru." So that was what it was like, then? Ah well- if Koumyou Sanzou could manage it, Genjou Sanzou needn't think it beneath him. He opened his arms. The briefest of pauses and then Gokuu flew into them. His thin arms hugged Sanzou ferociously, choking the breath from him. Gokuu's face was in his neck and Gokuu's shoulders heaved with muffled sobs. Sanzou had to give a small snort of laughter, though he could barely breathe. I hope *I* didn't leave bruises.
"Let go, asshole," he said, half his face in Gokuu's hair. "You're breaking my ribs." The pressure eased infinitesimally. Sanzou Sanzou Sanzou...
"Urusai zo." Sanzou thumped his head with his chin. "You have anything to say, say it so I can hear."
"Sanzou," Gokuu gulped into his chest. "Don't you ever- don't you ever-"
"--ever do that again. Ever. Make me do that to you again."
"Trust me," Sanzou said feelingly.
Even you, I won't forgive you, even you, if you do that--
"I know," Sanzou said. "Let go. It's late. I want to sleep."
"No. I'm sleeping with you here." Arms tight about him like they would never let him go. Gokuu pulled him down onto the bed that smelled stalely of sex and sweat, and pressed so close it was like they had only one body. God, what did I do to deserve this? Sanzou thought. But even as he thought it a wave of exhaustion broke over him, and a long breaker of sleep came hard on its wake to take him. Tight, tight, Gokuu's arms around him, and the softness of his long unbound hair, and the heat from his young body like the heat of the sun at noon, driving all shadows and sight away with its brilliance- so warm, so very warm, how long since I've been warm as this... And then he'd fallen into that deep warm sea of sleep and thought no more.
MJJ Sept-Oct, 2000