Sex, Lies, and-- Lays

'Excuse me, Sanzou, I have--' Hakkai pushed the door open and came into the room, then stopped in shock. Gokuu's naked form was sprawled across the bed, eyes two blissful and unconscious XXs. Sanzou was leaning against the headboard, smoking.

'Sanzou! What happened?!'

'Nothing. We've been screwing.'

'Sc--' The well-spoken youkai gulped on the words. 'You- uhh- you-- you were- copulating???'

'Screwing. Yes.'

'HOW???'

Sanzou snorted. 'The usual way. I told him 'Lie down', and when he was lying down I lay down on top of him, and then I pushed his legs back and screwed him into the mattress. How else would I do it, for shit's sake?'

Hakkai choked. 'I- uhh- I- uhh, excuse me, please.'

He tottered out of the room and into his own room. Gojou looked up from the paper.

'S'matter?'

'Sanzou- Gokuu- Sanzou has--'

Gojou leaped to his feet in alrm.

'An attack? Kougaiji's youkai? Where-'

He was halfway out the door. Hakkai caught his arm.

'No- no. Sanzou- Sanzou has- Sanzou has lain with Gokuu!'

Gojou looked at him blankly. The penny dropped.

'Ohh, the monk's been screwing the chimp? Yeah, of course. What's the problem?'

'Gokuu's a minor!!'

'What, the age of consent in Tougenkyou is five hundred and twenty? Heinhh, got a long way to go 'fore I can do it legal.'

'You know what I mean. How could he do such a thing?' Hakkai asked in distress.

'How?' Gojou gave Hakkai an odd look. A smile began to curve his mouth.

'How could he do it? Like this. First he lays him down-' Hakkai gasped as Gojou tipped him neatly back onto the bed, 'and as he's laying him down he strips off his pants-' he tossed Hakkai's chinos over his shoulder, 'and when he's laid him on his back it's up with the legs-' Hakkai's feet danced in midair, 'and out with the cock-' master technician Gojou got his fly open while simultaneously pinning Hakkai down and holding both Hakkai's legs up, 'and iiiiin we go.'

'ANGH! AAAHHH! OOHHHHH! AAANHHHHH!' Hakkai tasted the pleasures of the uke blessed. He passed out from delight. His good eye became a blissful and unconscious X.

Gojou lit a cigarette and leaned back against the headboard.

'First time I ever laid a youkai,' he mused. 'Well, a half-youkai. They're good. I should do it more often.'

'You think?' a voice said from the bed beside him. Gojou turned. Hakkai was looking at him from beneath his hair. His one visible eye was very very green.

'Heinh- warii,' Gojou grinned at him. 'No hard feelings, huh?'

'None at all.' Hakkai sat up. 'So half-youkai make satisfying sexual partners, do they?'

'Yeah, I'd say. Pretty good.'

'Ahh,' Hakkai said thoughtfully. 'Maybe I should try it myself some day.'

'Good idea. Bet Sanzou wouldn't mind sharing Gokuu.'

'Gokuu's a child. I was thinking of someone closer to my own age.'

'Hakkai,' Gojou began nervously. 'Look- Hakkai.'

Hakkai looked at him levelly.

'*Oh* no. Unh-unh, Hakkai. Don't even think about it,' Gojou told him. 'It's not going to happen.'

Hakkai's hand went to the cuffs in his left ear.

'HAKKKAAAIIIIIIII!!!!!!!'

The end.