"Over,"
Kanzeon Bosatsu said.
"No,"
Konzen answered. He tried to turn around, but the bodhisattva had him edged
right up against his desk. Hell. Hadn't he learned by now not to turn his back
on his randy superior?
"I
told you, I won't do it," he said, trying to get free. He succeeded only
in pushing flush up against the full breasts shoved into the middle of his back
and the hard-- thing-- poking at his ass. "I'm not going to be your woman
again."
"Fine.
Be my man then," Kanzeon offered.
"Forget
it!" The idea was revolting. "This is ridiculous. Let me go." He
couldn't turn because the goddess' arms were about him, small and soft as a
woman's and quite as strong as a man's. Stronger than his own, certainly,
because he couldn't break free of their grip no matter how hard he pushed
against them.
"Then
there's no alternative. It's either doing or done in this world, and if you
won't do, you must be done."
"I
don't want to have anything to do with that-- *or* you, you old bag." He
was beginning to feel a small desperation. "I don't want-" He
pushed harder. "Dammit, I won't do it!!" It felt almost as if
he was going to cry, which scared him more than anything. I'm not crying,
I'm angry, I want to cry because I'm angry. Not afraid, not that... that
other desolating feeling, like an undertow pulling him down- the suspicion that
Konzen Douji had no power at all, not over Kanzeon Bosatsu, maybe not over
anything. He stiffened every nerve in his body, tight tight tight. Turned to
wood inside the bodhisattva's arms. "I won't do it," he said between
clenched teeth. "Get lost."
"Konzen,
Konzen." The low voice, not-male and not-female, smiling and a little
pitying. "I don't get lost just because you tell me to. Doing or done.
Which?"
He shook, a tremor of
revulsion. "Whatever you like," he said shortly. Kanzeon grunted in
amusement, knowing what that meant. He would never put himself inside hir
unnatural body. His own body- his reliable and discriminating body- wouldn't
allow it. The thought gave him a small satisfaction as Kanzeon's hands slipped
under his robe and began untying the cord of his trousers. Their silk slid down
his legs.
"Hey!" he
yelped, and smacked at the hand that was patting his buttock.
"Come on,"
Kanzeon said good-humoredly. "Bend over."
His breath hissed in
exasperation. He laid his torso across his desk, and she hoisted the skirts of
his robe up. He gritted his teeth and endured what followed. It didn't hurt, of
course. It would be easier if it hurt. It was just disgusting. The silken
sliding of that-- thing-- in and out of him. The seductive invitation to
pleasure in its touch and the slow grudging response inside his own body. He
tightened his will against it. I do not consent. You can do what you like
but I do not consent. He could almost hear Kanzeon's voice. 'You think your
consent matters? If you withhold your consent will the wind cease to blow and
the sun to shine?' No. The universe hardly cared whether Konzen Douji consented
to its deeds or not.
He tightened his fists
where they lay next to his head, comforting himself with anger. Damned bitch-
damned old woman- damned arrogant great bodhisattva ruler of the universe,
goddamned hag--
And the door opened
across the room from him. A voice said "Konzen-?" and stopped. He
felt himself go a hideous dull red, felt his stomach shrink in on itself. He
glared at Tenpou standing witless and wide-eyed in the doorway. Get out,
he thought, sick with misery and rage as he met Tenpou's huge brown eyes. Get
the fuck out of here.
"Yahh,
Marshal," Kanzeon said cheerfully above his head.
"Kanzeon
Bosatsu," Tenpou said politely, closing the door. Go *away*,
Konzen thought in red-hot fury, but Tenpou wasn't going away. He was crossing
the room and coming to stand behind him the better to watch. Konzen thought
he'd never known what hatred was until that moment.
"If the
Bodhisattva is bestowing hir blessings today, perhaps I might venture to join
in?" Frozen in shock, Konzen heard Kanzeon's amused "As you
please." Tenpou, I'll *kill* you. There was a small metallic sound,
the clink of a belt buckle, the silent noise of cloth falling. Then Tenpou's
face was next to his own. Tenpou was lying beside him on top of the desk. He'd
taken his glasses off and his huge eyes blinked a cheerful myopic greeting at
him. Konzen could only stare, not even registering the fact that Kanzeon had
drawn out of him. Tenpou gave a sudden gasp, and the fingers of his hands flew
up off the desk's surface. Kanzeon... Kanzeon was... Numbly Konzen straightened
up. Pulled up his pants, fastened the waist closing. Kanzeon was doing to
Tenpou what se'd done to him. Konzen could only stand and watch as if his mind
had turned to stone. Tenpou's gasps and groans, deeper and deeper. Kanzeon's
thrusts into his narrow white flanks, deeper and deeper. Annh Tenpou was
saying, annnh annnh annnh. His hands clenched and pounded the desk top.
His head arched back with eyes squeezed shut and mouth wide open.
"Anh-UNHH!!"
Tenpou jerked suddenly, violently. Drew a deep gasping breath, and collapsed
across the desk into the shelter of his arms.
"Anhh,"
Kanzeon was saying with satisfaction as se straightened up. Tidied hirself into
hir robes. Ran a hand through sweaty black hair. "Like that, Konzen. Go
with the flow." Se gave him a grin, patted Tenpou's rump in parting, said
"Bye, Marshal," and left.
"Ahhh..."
Tenpou got himself upright, fished for his glasses, put them on, and pulled his
pants back up. Smiled at Konzen.
"You make a lot
of noise," Konzen said as he sat down behind his desk.
"Do I? So I've
heard. Never notice it myself."
Konzen
didn't ask who he'd heard it from. "What did you want?"
"Nothing
special. Just dropped by to see how you were doing."
"Then
you can go away again. I'm busy." He shuffled papers.
"You're
not going to offer me tea?"
"Tenpou--"
he said through clenched teeth.
"I
take it you're angry?"
"What
do you think?" Konzen glared at him.
"At
me?"
Konzen
looked down again. "No," he lied.
"Mh,"
Tenpou said, resting a hip on the corner of Konzen's desk. "Mind if I
smoke?"
"Nh,"
Konzen grunted. Tenpou took that as permission. Smell of sulphur as he struck a
match.
"You
didn't have to let hir do that to you," Konzen said to his papers, and
braced himself to hear Tenpou say I did if I didn't want to have your door
shut against me the next time I came calling.
"A
wise man bends to the storm," Tenpou observed, "and to the
bodhisattva."
"Not
funny."
"Besides,
se's good."
Konzen
gave him a startled glance before he could stop himself. "So what,"
he said to cover it.
"It
doesn't matter to you?"
"It
matters that I'm not given a choice."
Tenpou
shrugged. "The nature of the universe. You can choose to go with it or you
can choose to fight it. But some things you're not allowed to just sit
out."
"Meaning
what, exactly? Suppose you talk plainly, for once."
"Do
I have to, or don't you already know?" Tenpou drew on his cigarette and
looked at Konzen. Pushed the bridge of his glasses up with one finger. "You're
in a boat floating downstream. You can let the river take you where you're both
going or you can try to get back upstream against it. But there's no use just
sitting in your boat saying You can take me downstream but I don't choose to go
there. You go there anyway and you're not happy about it."
"I'm
*not* happy about it. And what the hell can I do about it?"
"Start
paddling across stream, perhaps." Konzen blinked. "Work with the
current to get where you want. Reach a bank and start walking back. Like
that." He blew a smoke ring. "At the very least you can enjoy the
trip downriver."
Konzen
looked away. "Enjoy that?? Hmpf."
"It's
very enjoyable, if you let it be."
"I
don't."
"I
know."
"I
won't."
Tenpou
sighed. "I know."
MJJ
Oct-Nov '02